


You're Just In My Head!

by leakinglavender



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 06:36:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leakinglavender/pseuds/leakinglavender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John’s been having a hard time dealing with Sherlocks death even though it’s been 3 years and today seems no different from the rest or is it…?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Just In My Head!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fic. So I’m sorry if it’s bad!!! But please read it!!! (: Please tell me what you think! I'd love to know how to make this fic and other fics I may write better! ^^

It was a cool, rainy day in London, and to John it was exceptionally dreary on Baker street. John watched as the occasional person ran down the street to escape the cold rain as  he sat alone near the window in the flat that he and Sherlock once lived in. This day, this dreary, awful, rainy day, was the three year…anniversary of the day the love of his life died.  
  
"Dear, are you going to go get the groceries? I know what day it is but you need what I wrote down in this list. I'd do it but I'm your landlady not your house keeper."  
  
 John slowly stood and took the list from her gently, not reading it, as he gave her a small nod "..thank you Mrs. Hudson. Ill be back in about an hour or so."  
  
 John put on his jacket  and stuffed the grocery list in his pocket as he walked outside. He walked to the store in a daze, not really paying any attention to anything around him. When he got to the store he grabbed a cart and pulled out the list, he didn't really read over it just started walking around the store, looking for the items as he saw them on the list.  
   
He looked at the small amount of items in his cart; tea, bread, apples, and scones. He still needed the last item, milk. 'Of course it's milk…why wouldn't it be?' He thought to himself as he walked to the refrigerated side of the store. When he got there, he just stood there and looked at the many different brands of milk. He started remembering how picky Sherlock was with what type and brand of milk John would get. He started remembering how about once a week Sherlock would say "We're out of milk John."  
  
John shook his head trying to temporarily rid himself of the memories. He didn't need to remember them right now, not in public where people would see him cry. John quickly grabbed a random gallon of milk and walked to the registers.  
  
After he checked out he set a quick pace for the flat, wanting to be done with this, wanting to just lay in bed and…relax, maybe even sleep. Johns sleeping habits had been out of whack since Sherlock had died. John would have nightmares about Sherlock falling, about not feeling his pulse. If Moriarty had been alive after Sherlocks fall, John would have killed him, himself.  
  
John entered the flat with a sigh as his paced slowed noticeably. He set the groceries down in the kitchen then took his coat off setting it on the coat rack to let it dry out. Going back to the kitchen he started putting the groceries away as a small tear rolled down his cheek from his right eye.  
  
Since Sherlock had died John had felt depressed…alone…and slightly abandoned. He scratched at his longed sleeved shirt, covered wrist. Hissing lightly and cursing at himself under his breath. He pulled his sleeve up and sighed sadly when he saw blood stain that was enlarging on the white bandage that was wrapped around his wrist. He took his watch off and tossed it on the kitchen counter.  
  
He pulled his shirt off as he walked to the bathroom and dropped it on the floor. He reached into the shower stall and turned the water on, waiting for it to warm up as he stripped off the rest of his clothing. He grabbed a wash rag after he slowly took the bandage off then wrapped the rag around his wrist. He stepped into the shower and immediately stepped under the water as he held the rag around his wrist.  
  
He slowly removed the rag and watched as blood gently trickled out of the mildly reopened cut on his wrist.  He shook his head and just dropped the rag on the floor not caring if he bled out or not. John took his time as he shampooed and conditioned his hair and washed his body. He watched as crimson liquid flowed from his wrist down his hand and dabbled onto the wet, tan, shower floor.  
  
John turned the shower and stepped out, grabbing a towel and drying every part of himself off except his wrist. He just let it keep bleeding. He wrapped the towel around his waste and walked to his room. Grabbing a pair of pajama trousers he took the towel off and slipped them on.  
  
He walked out and headed to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, but when he entered the living room he saw Sherlock sitting there. He shook his head and clenched his fist causing the blood from his wrist to come out at a faster pace. He figured it was just another hallucination, he had had plenty before. John watched this illusion for a minute and saw it as it said "John…you're getting blood on the floor.." His illusions talking was normal but hearing that voice made him want to scream in agony at the top of his lungs. He used to love that voice, and in a way he still did but that voice was painful to hear.  
  
John shook his head trying to break the illusion when he saw it was still there he quickly walked to the kitchen. He heard it call after him.  
"John…it's me. I'm he-"  
"YOU'RE JUST IN MY HEAD! You aren't real!…you're never real…ever…" John was facing away from the door way as he picked up a kitchen knife he had always left on the counter, a few drops of blood dripping on the counter.  
  
"I am real John. I'm right here…put the knife down" John could hear the shift of clothing behind him "Take my hand…I'm real."  
John shook his head furiously "No! No..you're not.." His body was shaking as tears rolled down his cheeks "I'm done…I'm done living….I can't do it anymore!" He let out a few sobs and fell to his knees soon slumping against the cabinets. "You aren't real…you're dead..and I don't want to be without you anymore…" The illusion walked to him and kneeled in front of him. Johns breath was shaky as he watched his Sherlock illusion reach out towards Johns face.  
  
That was it. John froze as he felt warm hands gently caress his cheeks and wii away his tears. His eyes were wide as he looked up into the eyes of Sherlock, the only thing that could be heard at the moment was the sound of the knife dropping from Johns hand and hitting the kitchen floor.  
"It IS me John. I AM here. I AM real." Sherlocks voice was soft yet still as deep as it always used to be. John reached up to feel the hands touching his cheeks, he didn’t care that the blood from his wrist was dripping on their clothing.  
  
“I..I don’t understand..how...how are you alive...?” Johns hands rubbed up Sherlock’s arms to his shoulder, then his neck. He felt for a pulse and that’s exactly what he got.  
  
“I’ll explain it to you later, after you’ve calmed down.” Sherlock leaned forward and kissed John’s forehead “I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I’m the cause of you hurting yourself.” He took John’s wrist gently and looked at it “I’ll patch it for you.” He slowly helped John to his feet and they walked to the bathroom.  
  
John sat on the lid of the toilet seat and watched as Sherlock rummaged under the sink for peroxide and bandages. When Sherlock started cleaning the wound and bandaging it John said quietly “...three years...I’ve missed you...”  
  
“I’ve missed you too. Right now...I can’t read you...and there’s a question bothering me..”He trailed off before leaning down and kissing the bandaged wrist softly “...do you still love me?” Sherlock looked up at John and waited worriedly for the answer.  
  
The later leaned down slowly and graced Sherlock’s lips with a kiss. John pulled away slightly and said against his lips “I never stopped.” With that Sherlock pulled John into a tight embrace and kissed him passionately, pouring out all of his love into the kiss. He had missed his soldier, he had stayed away for far too long.  
  
John had small happy tears coming from his eyes and said against Sherlock’s lips “promise me you won’t leave me again..please..?”  
  
Sherlock took Johns face in both of his hands and said seriously and honestly “ John. I will NEVER leave you again. This I swear.”  
  
That night Sherlock and John made love for the first time in three years and Sherlock never left ever again.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fic. So I’m sorry if it’s bad!!! But please read it!!! (: Please tell me what you think! I'd love to know how to make this fic and other fics I may write better! ^^


End file.
